i never understood the allure of getting up at the ass crack of dawn to go stand outside a shop at 2:00am just to wait for the doors to open at 5:00 so i could get some fabulous deal on a shitty tv.  do i really need a crappy tv that badly?  no, i do not.  and why would i go to a shop at 7:00 in the morning?  there’s just no need.

christmas shopping is akin to getting a rectal exam: something that should be avoided at all costs.

there’s no reason to pack yourself into a store with a bunch of cranky ass people who want to fist fight you over a generic mp3 player.  no thank you, i will pass.  i would rather hang out in my pajamas and shop online.  granted, i won’t have any good stories about some 70+ year old woman yelling at a young mother about how she had the cabbage patch doll first, but somehow i’ll survive.

in fact, unless they start offering hot bachelors at stores, you can guarantee that my ass will be nowhere near the town.